also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
