her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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