Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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