The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Still dying that you shit outside
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
