the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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