half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
