Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize