You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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