I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
