You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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