I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
