when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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