I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize