I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
