xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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