If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
