Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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