Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
