Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to be your penis for a week.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
