she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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