I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
