I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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