I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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