I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
