So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
