there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
