hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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