Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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