Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
