Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So much rum. So many feels.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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