Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
