I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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