I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
