:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
