There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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