She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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