zippers are such a cool invention
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize