Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
