Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
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I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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