singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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