I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
