I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Vodka?
Forever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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