I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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