Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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