So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
