last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
