apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize