Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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