I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
