im drinking this country out of the recession.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
