I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
