you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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