if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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