New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
they need to just BURY HIM!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
