I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
