shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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