This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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