Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
