dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
