JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
