my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
