There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
