Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
